How to Handle Challenging ESL Students: Relationship-Based Strategies for Successful Online Teaching

Teaching English online has opened the door to global classrooms, flexible schedules, and personalised learning experiences. Yet, every ESL/EFL teacher has encountered challenging learners—students who resist participation, disrupt lessons, disengage, or push limits. Online learning environments can intensify these behaviours because they lack physical presence, rely heavily on technology, and reduce natural social cues.

The good news? Most “difficult behaviour” has underlying causes such as anxiety, boredom, lack of structure, cultural misunderstandings, or unmet expectations. With the right relational strategies, teachers can transform these challenges into opportunities for connection and growth.

Below is a deeply expanded guide that covers common problems, practical relationship-based strategies, and detailed case studies to illustrate how these methods work in real online teaching contexts.

Common Problems ESL/EFL Teachers Face With Difficult Online Students

1. Low Motivation and Disengagement

Online learners often face distractions: phones, family noise, fatigue after work, or general Zoom burnout. Many students feel self-conscious speaking English on camera or fear making mistakes in front of others.

Typical behaviours include:

• Keeping the camera off for the entire lesson
• Giving minimal answers or avoiding open-ended questions
• Appearing distracted, looking away, or multitasking
• Frequently saying “I don’t know” or “Can you repeat?” as avoidance tactics

Underlying reasons may include:

• Lack of confidence or fear of embarrassment
• Lessons that don’t match their interests or level
• Emotional issues unrelated to the class (stress, family pressure)
• Cognitive overload from work or school

2. Dominant or Disruptive Students in Group Classes

Some students unintentionally take over discussions or correct peers excessively. Although their intentions may be to contribute or show enthusiasm, it can create imbalance and silence quieter classmates.

Common signs:

• Interrupting or talking over peers
• Steering the conversation off-topic
• Critiquing peers’ grammar mid-sentence
• Replying before others get a chance

Possible root causes:

• Strong personalities or extroverted tendencies
• Cultural norms around debate or assertiveness
• Misunderstanding of expectations in an online setting

3. Students Who Challenge Teacher Authority

These learners question methods, resist corrections, or complain about tasks. While this behaviour can feel personal, it often stems from a mismatch in expectations or learning styles.

Behaviour may involve:

• Doubting the usefulness of activities
• Avoiding tasks they find boring or unnecessary
• Expressing frustration at feedback
• Comparing your class with another teacher’s methods

Deeper causes might include:

• High achievers uncomfortable with making mistakes
• Students used to teacher-centred instruction wanting more control
• Anxiety masked as defensiveness

4. Conflicts or Misunderstandings Due to Cultural Differences

Online teachers work with students from around the world. What feels normal or polite in one culture may appear rude or unclear in another.

Potential sources of conflict:

• Direct feedback interpreted as criticism
• Soft or “indirect” instructions interpreted as uncertainty
• Misinterpretation of tone (especially in text chat)
• Different expectations about how to show respect to teachers

5. Technical Issues That Fuel Negative Emotions

Tech problems can quickly derail lessons. When students can’t hear, see, or join properly, frustration spikes—sometimes leading them to shut down or misdirect irritation at the teacher.

Typical tech-related behaviours:

• Irritability or impatience when issues arise
• Blaming the teacher or platform for connection problems
• Missing tasks or losing motivation mid-lesson
• Abruptly exiting the session

Relationship-Based Strategies for Managing Difficult ESL Students

1. Prioritize Genuine Rapport

Students work harder—and behave better—when they feel respected and understood. Rapport is especially important online, where emotional distance can easily creep in.

Ways to build rapport naturally:

• Begin with two minutes of personal conversation
• Remember details about their hobbies or goals
• Use humour when appropriate
• Show patience and warmth

Strong relational grounding makes later redirection or discipline feel fair rather than authoritarian.

2. Establish Clear Expectations Early

Clear structure prevents misunderstandings and reduces anxiety. On day one, explain what respectful behaviour looks like online and what students can expect from you in return.

Create clarity by:

• Explicitly stating camera expectations
• Clarifying turn-taking rules for group classes
• Setting guidelines for speaking time
• Establishing how to handle tech issues (e.g., “If you disconnect, rejoin quickly”)

A short written “Class Agreement” shared after the first session reinforces these expectations consistently.

3. Use Scaffolding to Reduce Anxiety and Avoidance

Many difficult behaviours stem from fear—fear of mistakes, embarrassment, or not understanding the task. Scaffolding gives students manageable steps toward success.

Effective scaffolding methods include:

• Sentence starters (“I think that…”, “In my opinion…”)
• Short preparation time before speaking
• Using visual prompts or demonstration videos
• Breaking tasks into smaller, clearer steps

When students feel safe, they participate more and resist less.

4. Manage Dominant Students With Structure, Not Criticism

Correcting dominant behaviour publicly may embarrass the student and create defensiveness. Structural solutions work better.

Helpful techniques:

• Use timed speaking rounds
• Assign roles such as summariser, questioner, or timekeeper
• Create breakout rooms to give everyone equal space
• Privately thank them for their enthusiasm while gently redirecting

These approaches maintain a positive atmosphere while ensuring balanced participation.

5. Use the V.A.L. Method to De-escalate Pushback

Instead of arguing, use the Validate – Acknowledge – Lead technique.

Example: “I see why that activity might feel repetitive. You’re right that advanced learners need challenge. Let’s finish this quickly and then move to the discussion segment.”

Students feel respected, yet the lesson still moves forward.

6. Adapt Feedback and Communication to Cultural Expectations

Becoming aware of cultural preferences avoids misunderstandings.

Practical adjustments:

• Ask directly how they prefer corrections
• Use softer phrasing for direct cultures (“Have you considered…?”)
• Break down instructions clearly for indirect cultures
• Avoid idioms or sarcasm that may be misinterpreted

When communication feels aligned, resistance dramatically decreases.

7. Create a Smooth Tech Environment to Reduce Stress

Tech issues are inevitable, but they don’t need to derail lessons.

Prepare by:

• Having a backup activity ready (discussion question, reading task)
• Giving clear step-by-step instructions
• Using simple platforms when possible
• Encouraging students to check devices before class

A calm, predictable tech approach keeps emotions stable.

Case Study 1: The Silent, Camera-Off Teenager

Background: Amira, a 14-year-old beginner, joined her online lessons reluctantly. She kept her camera off, avoided speaking, and often responded with “I don’t know.” Her parents reported she was shy and lacked confidence in English.

Teacher Challenges:

• No visual cues due to camera being off
• Long silences disrupted lesson flow
• Material seemed too difficult or too easy depending on the day
• Amira frequently zoned out

Strategies Applied:

• Private rapport-building chat: The teacher scheduled a short meeting outside class time, asking about Amira’s interests and goals.
• Interest-based materials: Lessons incorporated topics like K-pop, fashion, and social media personalities.
• Low-pressure participation: The teacher used yes/no questions, A/B choices, and short sentence frames.
• Gradual progression: After weeks of comfort-building, Amira was invited to answer slightly longer questions and later to read short dialogues.

Outcome: By week three, Amira turned on her camera voluntarily and began speaking in full sentences. Her confidence grew alongside her participation. Her teacher’s patience and scaffolding unlocked her potential.

Case Study 2: The Dominant Adult in Group Class

Background: Martin, a B2 adult student in a multinational class, constantly interrupted others and tried to correct their grammar. He dominated discussions, causing quieter students to withdraw.

Teacher Challenges:

• Class atmosphere became tense
• Quieter students were intimidated
• Lessons frequently derailed by over-correction
• Some students privately complained about Martin

Strategies Applied:

• Private conversation: The teacher thanked Martin for his enthusiasm but explained how other classmates felt overshadowed.
• Structured speaking turns: Timed speaking rounds ensured equal participation.
• Role assignments: Martin was occasionally assigned as “discussion leader” or “note-taker,” giving him responsibility without overtalking.
• Redirection: During class, the teacher gently steered him back when he started correcting others.

Outcome: Over time, Martin adjusted his behaviour. His energy became an asset rather than a disruption, and quieter students began contributing more confidently. The group’s overall dynamic improved significantly.

Case Study 3: The Student Who Challenged Every Task

Background: Sara, an advanced learner, routinely questioned the purpose of activities. She disliked repetition, resisted corrections, and frequently compared the class to her previous teacher’s methods.

Teacher Challenges:

• Constant pushback on task selection
• Tension during feedback sessions
• Slower lesson pacing due to debates
• Difficulty maintaining authority without confrontation

Strategies Applied:

• Using the V.A.L. method: The teacher validated Sara’s desire for efficiency, acknowledged her concerns, and led her back to the task.
• Transparency: The teacher began explaining why each exercise was pedagogically useful, connecting it to Sara’s stated goals.
• Choice-based tasks: Sara was offered two speaking prompts or two activity types each lesson, giving her a sense of autonomy.
• Goal mapping: A monthly roadmap clarified how tasks supported her long-term objectives.

Outcome: Sara became more cooperative and even started complimenting the lesson structure. The combination of validation, choice, and clear explanations helped her trust the process and stay engaged.

Conclusion: Relationship First, Behaviour Second

Challenging student behaviour rarely comes from a desire to disrupt. More often, it is rooted in fear, cultural misunderstandings, insecurity, or unmet expectations. When teachers respond with empathy, structure, and strategic communication, even the most challenging students can transform.

With relational teaching at the centre, difficult moments turn into deep learning opportunities—for both the student and the teacher.