Have you ever noticed how effortlessly you connect with some people, while conversations with others feel strained, confusing, or even frustrating? It can feel as if you are speaking different languages, even though you are using the same words. These misunderstandings are common at work, in relationships, and in everyday life. They are rarely caused by intelligence or bad intentions. More often, they happen because people communicate in fundamentally different ways.
The book Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson explains this challenge through a simple but powerful framework. It shows that people tend to fall into four main personality and communication styles. When we do not recognise these differences, we misinterpret behaviour and create unnecessary conflict. When we do recognise them, communication becomes clearer, calmer, and more effective.
The model uses four colors to describe common behavior patterns. Most people are a mix, but usually one or two colors dominate.
Reds are decisive, confident, and focused on action. They like efficiency, clear goals, and quick progress. Reds often speak directly and expect others to do the same.
Strengths:
Challenges:
Yellows are expressive, optimistic, and people-oriented. They thrive on interaction, ideas, and inspiration. They bring energy into conversations and enjoy being heard.
Strengths:
Challenges:
Greens value harmony, loyalty, and stability. They are good listeners and prefer cooperation over confrontation. Greens tend to avoid conflict and sudden change.
Strengths:
Challenges:
Blues are logical, detail-oriented, and careful thinkers. They value accuracy, data, and well-structured communication. They prefer to think things through before responding.
Strengths:
Challenges:
Understanding the colors is useful, but real connection happens when you adjust how you communicate.
Reds respect clarity, confidence, and competence.
Helpful strategies:
Avoid:
Mini-dialogue:
You: “We have a problem and two solutions. Option one saves time and money.”
Red: “Good. Let’s move forward.”
Yellows want connection, enthusiasm, and recognition.
Helpful strategies:
Avoid:
Mini-dialogue:
You: “That idea is exciting. Let’s explore how we can make it work.”
Yellow: “Yes, exactly!”
Greens need reassurance, patience, and trust.
Helpful strategies:
Avoid:
Mini-dialogue:
You: “There’s no rush. I’d like your thoughts before we decide.”
Green: “Thank you. That helps.”
Blues value logic, accuracy, and preparation.
Helpful strategies:
Avoid:
Mini-dialogue:
You: “Here is the data we have so far. What stands out to you?”
Blue: “Let me review the details.”
• Observe how people speak before responding
• Match their pace and level of detail
• Translate your message into what matters to them
• Listen without preparing your reply too early
• Ask open questions that invite explanation
• Stay flexible, especially in stressful situations
• Replace judgment with curiosity
• Aim for understanding rather than winning
We do not struggle with people because they are difficult. We struggle because they are different. Each personality type sees the world through a distinct lens, and each one communicates in a way that feels natural to them. When you learn to recognise these styles and adapt your language, conversations become smoother, trust grows faster, and misunderstandings decrease.
You do not need to change who you are. You only need to learn how to speak in a way the other person can truly hear.
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